As I sit here attempting to begin a 15 page paper for my personality class, my mind is everywhere but here.
I want to become a journalist, so that I can go and be an advocate for the injustices done to children all over the world. I also love drama and public speaking so I think it's a good fit. (Maybe I can work for the BBC if I hold onto my accent.) I want to stand at the scene of the atrocities and tell it to the world. I imagine that I would become too emotionally involved with individuals and want to stay and invest in their lives though, so maybe it wouldn't work. Actually, my Mum brought up that last point, and she knows me PRETTY well. But I'd like to do it for a few years at least.
I want to become a teacher too, because it's like a ticket to anywhere in the world, especially if one wants to live in another country. That way I can move permanently to Africa and set up education programs out in the bush. My psychology degree will hopefully help me to work with traumatized children, if I can take more classes of that focus. Speaking of which, here two links for a horriffic situation taking place right now in Northern Uganda. One is the
INVISIBLE CHILDREN and the other is
this one. These are children who are abducted on a nightly basis to become child soldiers/killing machines, trained by a rebel army who is trying to overthrow the government. We can do something, so check out the sites if you want to help. If you live in Toronto there is a giant "night commute" in 2 weeks time. I have to miss it though, because I will be in England. But YOU should go.
I want to be out of school and right there, spending my days rescuing vulnerable and needy kids and pouring love into their lives, watching them blossom like flowers under the sunshine as the realize that they are worth something and loved. Yet at the same time, the practical side of me wants to use this time of being young and free from responsibility to get as educated as I can be. It's kind of like putting eggs in a basket or something...and I want a lot of eggs. Speaking of eggs, the goose in the courtyard at Tyndale has laid 5 of them and attacks anyone who ventures near her nest. (I speak from experience) But seriously, if I am qualified as a teacher and a journalist, and have a BA in psychology, that should set me up for something. I can do teachers college in one year, and an intensive journalism program over one summer, so it shouldn't take me until I'm 80 to leave school. There is SO very much I want to do. So much I want to experience and explore and feel before I...hold on a second....before I WHAT?
..Someone told me yesterday, "Hannah, you need to settle down soon." Do I? Why should I settle down? Give me one good reason. Is it a requirement in life? For some reason, the phrase "settle down" sounds like "stop dreaming" to me. Please tell me I never have to stop dreaming? Whenever I take those little personality test things, I always get the description involving the word "dreamer". Everytime. To stop dreaming is to crucify something inside. Maybe I am too much of a dreamer, but I'd much rather live in the hope of dreams that burn brightly inside than "settle down" and feel cold and grey -like ashes. Dreams allow me to be a part of something so much greater than myself at this moment in time. They allow me to reach outside of the tangible and illuminate far more of life than every day existence allows.
Maybe I will never own a house and have a "killing me softly" 9-5 job. Maybe I will never even get married. I feel so driven towards this dream, that it has to take priority. There are not many things I am so sure of as this, and therefore I am holding this as a reference point. Consequently, not too many guys fit into it, and I don't think I like dating casually. I'm the wrong personality type for that. It want it to be all or nothing now. That's Ok, I only need
one guy, and I am happy to wait until he's the right one. I often tell God that he had better be
blazingly obvious God Ok? Maybe I will become something so far away from the norm, and if so, and it's God's plan for me, then that's cool. Whatever it is, I have this theory that it will be what makes me feel
alive. Being in Africa amongst these children, rescuing, loving them, and catching their contagious zest for life...this is what being alive means to me. More than anything else in my life so far, this has lit a fire within me and caused me to feel like I was doing what I have been born to do. I know that God has placed that inside me. It's not normal, yet it is my desire. Therefore, I believe it is God given.
I received a letter from Zambia yesterday, from my friend Beulah Kalunga, who is 15 years old. Talk about a perspective check. I don't have it with me, but I will post it when I do. I actually want to do a few posts along this line of thought. Anyway, for now I am going to get back to my paper, but with these beautiful faces in my mind, suddenly the reason for writing it seems a lot more compelling...
