The Unbound Heart.

Brace yourselves for something deeper than the previous few...( but on a side note my nose is officially broken!)

Recently I've been pushing down and attempting to ignore the sense that I am living at about 30% of who I really am. A reoccuring restlessness for more than this has forced me to stop and kick myself up the butt. I've allowed so much of me to be crushed and compressed, telling myself that it's useless to stand in the middle of a fast moving river and expect to stop the current; much easier just to let go and start flowing along with it....easier but definitely not better. I've been ignorning convictions to the point where they have become almost too faint to hear. It's like I'm skating on a layer of ice, knowing that there are great and mysterious depths beneath me, but neither daring or caring to venture down into the deep. Not daring because in my heart I want so much and am scared it will be too hard and difficult to find, and not caring because I seem to have let complacency take over many areas of my life. I think I've resigned to complacency because of the first reason..the fear of daring.
Anyways, I could expand on this much more, but I save that for my own journal, a brown book with a cover like the skin of a rhinoscerous.
Here is a quote that sort of shouts what I'm feeling.

"Would we learn to bring forth what is hidden, to rescue into consciousness the endangered worlds and ideas that enlarge our sympathies and our senses and connect us to a greater whole, beyond the perennial tides of ignorance, greed and aggression? With the chrome taps opened wide, and the wild thundering of the waterfall within me, I could only hope those radiant waters, hidden in our deepest collective being, would never be dammed or diverted but-like the dream of unknown places-carry us beyond all divisions into the currents of the unbound heart."

-Ian Baker "The Heart of the World"