Friday, October 27, 2006

The Three Musketeers Strike Again!

It was a Tuesday night after a week of Midterms, and though my body and mind were exhausted, I was determined to take advantage of this rare 'night off'. Together with my partners in crime, Laura (sister) and Beth (cousin), we set off to wreak havoc on the city of Toronto. (or should I say REEK havoc....pun very intended!) Armed with our weapon of mass destruction, (an extremely realistic fart machine with 15 varieties of fart) we entered the TTC system, where we spent the next 4 hours going from subway to subway, platform to platform, springing chaos on poor unsuspecting members of the general public.

I have not laughed this hard in months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Let me explain how this contraption works: There is a small black box -with boom-box technology no less- that can be hidden anywhere. Mostly we hid it on the body of one of the three of us. Then there is the remote control, which works within a 100 metre radius, allowing the button presser to be far away from the scene of the crime and never suspected as the farter.)
Here are some highlights of the night:
1)The Eglington Subway platform where a gentleman in his thirties was beside himself with laughter at our antics, finally figured out what we were doing, and proceeded to join in with us, explaining to everybody standing around that "she can't help herself, she has a problem."
2) The guy who tried hitting on Laura, walking towards her saying "hey there", to which Beth (holding the remote) promptly responded by letting one rip (the machine was in Laura's jacket), -the guy just about jumped backwards onto the tracks in his hurry to get away!
3)The couple who were mid-makeout session, until I walked past and destroyed their magical moment. The girl collapsed onto her boyfriends chest in laughter, and when I walked back past a moment later, the guy held out his hands in protection and said "STAY AWAY FROM US!".
4)The TTC workers in their office who were becoming more and more disturbed by the loud flacculence noises coming from the platform, until finally one marched out and shouted "We need to evacuate the building"!! Upon seeing Laura standing around the corner, he exclaimed "You???? And such a pretty girl! You need to eat more vegetables."
5) The group of five guys in their 30's who, after hearing the obnoxious noise, all blamed their friend "Dave" who tried in vain to defend himself and proclaimed "it wasn't me, it was that girl over there"! .......Yeah right Dave.
6)The group of three guys in their later 20's who were in full conversation until they heard a large fart, to which they suddenly hushed, and a few seconds later, a small voice could be heard muttering "safety."
7)The guy in a long black trench coat who sussed out what we were doing on the train, and got so excited about it that he wanted to order his own fart machine. When we told him about it, he yelled out rather loudly; "It seriously has 15 varieties of fart???? Can I please listen to them all?!"

As a psychology student, it was interesting to look at the social psychology lessons in the way that people reacted, the genre of person that people blamed as the culprit, and the way that humour breaks down social barriers with complete strangers!
We found in general that the male population shared our "toilet humour" far more than the females. The typical female reaction was to wrinkle her nose in disgust and shoot a dirty, shocked look in our direction. Often she actually got up off the bench and walked away! As for the boys and men, they were either trying desperately not to laugh, or had given in to the hilarity of the situation and were practically rolling on the floor guffawing.....(guffawing, what a great word!)

As for Laura, Beth and I, I don't think we'll ever grow up, and we most definitely will never become 'ladylike' sounds far too boring.

PS: The next day, Jesse, Jo and I spent a good hour in the Tyndale school library pulling similar shenanigans. Sorry sem students!


Blogger Hofman said...

HAHAHAHA, HANNAH!!! I can't believe I missed out on that one! That's awesome - although I fear I would have been crippled with laughter and not have been much use. Um, I honestly laughed out loud at your account of it all!
I miss having adventures with you!!
Love Elea

4:52 p.m.  
Blogger Ryan said...

Two Words: WELL DONE!!!

Those stories are awesome - sounds like too much fun! :o) And, incidentally, I'm incredibly covetous of your nice, new guitar. Sinful, I know. I'm very happy for you to have it though. Any discoveries of who this mystery donor is?

11:57 a.m.  
Blogger Bethybu said...

Oh gosh! I hurt with laughter! I guess I am not a typical 'female' then! If only we had had one at Capes...

Do you ever worry that your pranks will back fire and some past victim will seek revenge... ie making you fart while you say your wedding vows?

4:28 p.m.  
Blogger Hofman said...

you've revamped your aesthetic approach I see.

8:09 p.m.  
Blogger the James said...

I can't beieve you disected that with psych babble. otheriwse that is an incredible story, I myself have had this very same pleasure and it is one of my top three most funny moments of life. So I am glad you had that.

1:10 a.m.  
Blogger Hannah said...

James, the "psych babble" was merely an attempt to restore an ounce of dignity to the situation, bearing in mind that I am a 22 year old female. Having said that, Beth approached our psych prof the next day, asking if she could write her term paper on this!!

9:27 a.m.  
Blogger Krista said...

You are TOO funny! Great blog post... but I must say I did enjoy the "live" version better, when you told me all the stories as we walked down Bayview carrying the Tropicana box to and from ValuMart!

I found this video clip that reminded me of you and our plans for our next foray... maybe Thursday? (I may need a caffeine boost to get me on that scaffold while wearing a foil-y costume!)Check out

10:30 p.m.  
Blogger Beth said...

twas a beautiful night indeed...but really hannah find a better pic of me where i dont look like i'm stoned...actually that reminds me, i want to put up that music video u me and laura made on high point with you dancing antics...going to figure out how...
-ur partner in crime

2:40 p.m.  
Blogger Christine said...

hannah! its christine. how are you? your latest post is hilarious. wish i could have seen the reactions of everyone on the subway. and seriously, was that your halloween costume? Tropicana??? And I thought I had a good one this year. check out my blog for some pics. hope your doing well in T.O. maybe we can hook up over the holidays when jay is home. check ya!!

10:18 p.m.  
Anonymous Jacob M. Anderson said...

hellooooooooooooooooooo, that's great, i shared the story with my friends even. you gotta start video-ing that hilarity.

11:45 p.m.  
Blogger Alex said...

Hannah! That is so unlike you! Haha..Krista told me about your fun on the bus! Well, i think i need to buy one of these

6:46 p.m.  
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